Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
