My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
