new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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