He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
