and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
