Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
