literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
