Yo dont text me then not text me
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
