I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
