I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
