I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
