I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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