weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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