I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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