Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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