I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
