I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The chlamydia really affected his face.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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