We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
