so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
