hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Randomize
