the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
