you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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