Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
