That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
