He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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