She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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