after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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