she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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