We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Randomize
