you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
