I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
