but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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