dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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