she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
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