this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
