I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
