I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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