This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
