the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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