I hate all girls vehemently.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
