Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
