ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
