Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
pray to the hookup gods
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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