I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
