Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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