So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
