she looked like the bat from fern gully.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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