I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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