As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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