nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
