don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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