Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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