You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
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