i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
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