The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
